I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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