woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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