I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
