Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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