i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
should my penis look like a turkey
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
