kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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