Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
