1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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