Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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