i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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