don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
