Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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