take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he high fived his dick after we had sex
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
