why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
