Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
