Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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