I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
