My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
