Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
