You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
