that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
