Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
