he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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