I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
