Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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