i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
