i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
