we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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