so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I want a musical about memes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
