Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
