There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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