We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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