So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize