I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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