My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pooping to opera.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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