Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
