Quick, to the slutcave!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
