just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
