do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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