I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
