I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
