used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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