Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's never too late to be topless.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Drunk is a universal language darling
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