woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
