Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
