he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
