wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she smelled like a LAN party
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
