I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
