Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
