shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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