When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
