Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
