ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
PANTIES FOUND
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
