based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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