Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
