My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
