I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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