If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
