I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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