I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
