The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's never too late to be topless.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
