I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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