he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
