So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
