So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
